


To Heal the Wounds

by Asa_Meda



Category: Torchwood
Genre: First Time, M/M, Past Child Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-08
Updated: 2015-09-08
Packaged: 2018-04-19 16:13:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4752734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Asa_Meda/pseuds/Asa_Meda
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Another Oldie... when Torchwood was my fave.  This is a post Countrycide fic that references Cyberwoman and Small World.  It also references the episode that showed Jack's kisses can be more than just a kiss.  There violent references... references to past child abuse (not sexual).  Just a reaction story.  Hope it's liked for what it is... enjoy!</p>
            </blockquote>





	To Heal the Wounds

There was no why. No reason. No revelation. Jack had seen it before in the universe. Culture borne of madness and disassociation. The original founders of Brecon Beacons had isolated themselves, become their own nation, their own belief system. They lured and made their prey comfortable; celebrated their guest holidays... new births... even mourned the dead... though only because of the loss of the Harvest to them...

There was a world he had visited in his early years as a Time Agent. Perfectly civilized. People had found a kind of harmony with each other. But there were those among them who saw only the tools to their pleasure... the psychic meal they craved... every so often so many disappeared... only to be found later... stripped of their souls.

There was no reason then either. So it was with little compassion or guilt that Jack pulled the trigger under Evan Sherman's chin. Then he sent another bullet through the forehead of the man who impersonated a Constable. The woman, Helen, was already dead. And the guy he promised to help... had briefly tortured for information... was also dead... the moment he heard what his prisoner had to say he knew not one of the cannibals could be allowed to live if his team was to survive.

Gwen protested. She wanted to know why these monsters had done what they did. Jack had been tempted to let her try and find her answers then decided it would probably cause her more harm by letting the madness touch her.

Clean up. He had Tosh and Gwen see to the boy, the only survivor of this senseless massacre. He had Tosh contact the authorities, the same authorities who had contacted them, who had started all of this. They needed ambulances and paramedics to deal with Gwen... the boy... Tosh... and-

"Better get over here, Jack."

Owen's tone shook him from his cold military focus. The physician was crouched on the wooden floor. The expression on his dirty slightly battered face was grim as his eyes were set on something behind one of the center blocks in the "kitchen". Jack understood immediately as his mind suddenly realized it was missing something... a connection... "Hell!"

He was there in two strides then on his knees next to the object of Owen's concern. _Oh gods... no..._ Ianto was carefully sprawled on his back surrounded by thick pieces of soiled cotton and rope... removed restraints. Battered. Bloodied. His face was beginning to swell where he had been beaten. His forehead was turning a dark red but there was another head injury on the side of his head that was bleeding. One of his legs lay at an odd angle. One of his hands looked almost crushed. The right side of his neck bled freely from a clean slice, as if someone had tried to slit his throat....

"Ianto." He leaned closer but his hands hovered, uncertain what to touch, what to do.

"I can barely get a pulse." Owen looked helpless. "I think he's bleeding out internally." He pointed to the young man's forehead. "He's got a concussion here but there's another blow to the side of his head. I think the skull's fractured... don't know how he stayed conscious when that butcher's blade-" His words stopped as Owen visibly pushed a memory back. But his hands rolled into fists. "I don't have anything's that going to stabilize him before help gets here!" Red-rimmed eyes met Jack's. "I'm sorry, Jack. I'm really sorry."

Jack nodded without thought. Ianto was dying. The damage was too great. Tosh had said something as she and Gwen carefully got the boy to his feet, as they began to leave. Ianto had tried to save her. Had risked his life to save her. _Suicide or sacrifice?_ he wondered briefly. Two months since the betrayal, since Lisa's final death. Ianto came back to work, performed duties as required, as requested. But he avoided Jack, especially when it was just the two of them in the HUB. Jack allowed it except where a case was concerned. Ianto seem to need it.

But two weeks ago there had been a hard case. Faeries. Chosen Ones. Estelle. Jack had lost a lot in those few days. His lover. A child. And some of the relaxed camaraderie with his team, who still didn't seem to fully understand what happened, was gone. The Chosen child had already changed. Jasmine was not sacrificed... she was sent home...

That evening Ianto came to him, alone. He had made tea; one cup for himself, one for Jack. He sat by Jack's desk without asking and spoke of nothing really... the weather... the current news... a new Chinese take-away he thought everyone would like... but nothing about the case... no judgement... no opinion though Jack knew Ianto had been told about the whole fiasco...

 

_"I don't know if it matters now," Ianto said then when his tea was done and the young man was left fiddling with the cup, fingering the light design embossed on it. "But I'm sorry for all that happened."_

_Jack stared at him in puzzlement. "You didn't have anything to do with this case."_

_Ianto still didn't look at him. His shoulders rose in a quiet shrug. "About Lisa... I don't know what possessed me. Why- we weren't even really... together anymore though we'd been trying to reconcile... felt we could. But until that day... all those weeks ago... she was still Lisa. She told me about her pain. She even begged me to kill her when it got too much. I thought she could be saved. I couldn't bear for her to be one more casualty." He simply stared at his hands wrapped around his teacup. "But when Dr. Tanizaki tried to get her breathing, something happened. I think what was left of her died then... the Cyberman part of her finally won."_

_Jack accepted this. Had long accepted it. He had made Ianto do a report, for his eyes only. He wanted to understand, wanted to give Ianto every chance. In the end he did, sort of. But enough. In the weeks since then he understood even more. Had already forgiven... had learned to trust the young man again. Had not spoken of it as he waited for Ianto to bring it up. And now he had. "Don't apologize, Yan," he said, using the more familiar name, wanting to be friends again. "It happened. You-" Jack tried to find the right words without giving too much away. "You're pretty young, Ianto. If the follies of youth can't be forgiven then I don't know what can."_

_Confusion furrowed Ianto's brow. "There's not that many years between us, sir. I'm nearly thirty."_

_//A child... a baby.// Jack considered him then let the words slip. "I'm older than you think, Yan. Older than you think."_

 

"Jack!"

Harkness shook himself out of his memories and looked at Owen. The doctor was pale now, distraught. Wanting to do something. Anything. Jack softly brushed Ianto's bruised face, barely touching the surface. The skin was growing cold. Ianto's eyelids were still. Not asleep... not dreaming... comatose... fading...

"Go see if Tosh knows how far away they are," he ordered quietly as he came to a decision, the only one he could make. "I'll sit with him."

Owen hesitated then nodded. There was nothing else to be done. "I'll be a minute."

Jack heard steps retreat, a door open then slam shut. Without hesitation he gently cradled Ianto in his arms, bringing the young man's head up to rest on his shoulder. _Death is not ready for you yet, Yan._ He leaned forward and sealed his lips around Ianto's cold mouth. Kissing. Jack remembered the last time, when Lisa had thrown Ianto like a rag doll. The damage wasn't as serious then. He had sensed broken bones, concussion, cuts and bruises. Ianto would live, would recover. But the Cyberwoman was loose. Ianto was defenseless. And Jack sensed a spark... something worth saving... even then...

"What the fuck are you doing!"

Owen. Jack ignored him and reached deeper. Ianto was dying. His young heart was struggling with the blood loss and trauma. His kissed continued. His hand smoothed over the wrinkled, soiled shirt Ianto had on, the blood on his hands... Ianto's killer's blood... blending with fallen man's. _Come on, Ianto. Come on._ He tasted blood as his tongue delved into the young man's mouth as he held Ianto tighter, willing the internal energy that churned within himself, that mysterious life force, to flow into this human. _Ianto!_

_Jack._

Tired. So very tired. So very painful. Jack's fingers continued to roam over Ianto's body, focusing the giving. _Come back. Please come back._

Pain. So much pain. Physical. Within. Jack felt a rush of air enter his mouth... Ianto's first breath. Felt the body he held jerk as life fully returned. Jack.

_Here, Yan._ Jack's own reserves began to dwindle. Some part of him warned. He needed to be alert to deal with the mundane world. Ianto would live. Don't go away.

He withdrew slowly, reluctantly. His eyes beheld the young man now resting in his arms, still battered, still injured but more peacefully asleep than unconscious. His fingers gently touched Ianto's face, feeling the growing warmth.

"Care to explain, Captain Harkness... sir?"

Owen. Jack glanced up. The physician looked disturbed.... uncertain. Beside him Gwen stood, her hand at her side, obviously in some discomfort but coping well. Her other hand had a grip on Owen's jacket, holding him back by sheer will power. "Did Tosh call?"

Owen didn't seem to know how to answer but Gwen nodded. "They said about forty-five minutes." She hesitated then added, "that was about ten minutes ago."

Ten minutes. That long... Jack sighed. He was bone tired. "Owen, check him out."

Order. Owen stared at him, unmoved. "What the fuck did you do! He was glowing! You were glowing!"

"Sharing," Jack answered curtly. Exposed. Owen and Gwen had seen. They had seen it before, with that girl and the sex starved alien. That had been brief... clinical... just a boost... nothing more. Jack knew something would have to be said but not now. Ianto was priority. "Mouth to mouth," he threw out to the doctor. "You know... standard resuscitation practice?" He let a false grin grace his lips. "Seems to have worked." He indicated the young man in his arms. "Check him out."

Owen growled but did as requested. He had his med kit with him now. "Put him down," he ordered gruffly.

Jack found it hard to do, lose the connection he had right now. With exaggerated care he placed Ianto back down on the floor, smoothing hairs from his friend's forehead, noting that the angry, reddened skin was milder, smoother. He watched Owen examine Ianto thoroughly and assess the wounds once more. Then he pulled back and sat on the floor next to Ianto, across from Jack who continued to softly caress Ianto's head. "What?"

Owen's eyes moved from Jack to Ianto, his expression somehow caught between caution and something softer. "He's still bad but he'll make it to hospital," he declared. "Whatever you di- happened seemed to have helped."

Jack noted how Owen edited himself and felt some relief. A glance to Gwen confirmed that she was only grateful Ianto was alive and had already decided that the method was not her concern. Maybe it would be all right. He studied Ianto, noted his leg was no longer turned oddly; his hand was swollen, maybe broken, but not mutilated. His breathing was shallow but steady. His eyes moved at the pace of deep REM sleep, perhaps light unconsciousness, under closed eyelids. With a little effort he stood and took off his great coat then laid it over Ianto, tucking it in carefully. After all the trauma and near resurrection, Jack didn't need Ianto to die from hypothermia.

"Tosh just called from outside," Gwen said in the silence. "They're moving faster than expected. Should be here in twenty minutes."

Jack nodded as he sat back down and put one hand on the wool covering Ianto's chest, the other on the top of the young man's bloodied hair. Owen quietly shifted and pulled a thick plastic pack filled with liquid from his kit, common dextrose drip. With care he pulled Ianto's uninjured hand from under Jack's coat and quickly set up an IV. 

"He's still lost blood," Owen remarked quietly, not looking at Jack as he continued to monitor his patient. "This'll keep him hydrated and stable. If they're a trauma crew those medics might have plasma. But at least this'll give them quick access for anything they might want do."

"Thank you." Jack looked at Owen even if the younger man wouldn't look at him. "Go see to the boy and Tosh. See what you can do before they get here."

Owen nodded and stood. "I can't give the lad Retcon, Jack," he said quietly. "Head injury... and I don't know his mental state. Might trigger something."

"That's okay," Jack assured. "No aliens here so I'm sorry to say there's nothing we need for him to forget. Just see what we can do for him."

Owen drew a deep breath. "I'll talk to a few people about getting him some help to deal with this." He turned to go. "Though I'm not sure any of us are going come out of this without a mark."

Jack closed his eyes as he heard Owen go. "Gwen?"

"Yes, Jack." The young woman's voice was strained but attentive.

Jack's persona went into leader-mode. "Go with Owen. When the medics get here I want you checked out completely. If they want to take you to the hospital, you go."

"Jack."

Jack's eyes snapped open and he met her gaze. "This is not an option, Gwen. Not up for discussion."

Gwen's expression told him she understood. Without a word she turned and left as well, walking slowly... carefully. Jack let out his breath. He was too tired to argue and was satisfied he wouldn't have to, for the moment. He turned his full attention back to Ianto. The urge was there, strongly, to give more of himself to the injured man but he resisted. There were too many factors emerging. Nearly a century ago this happened... when he didn't understand until it was too late. 

Jack sighed. His fingers petted over Ianto's cheek. He sensed pain and some quiet confusion just below waking consciousness. Another conversation he knew he was going to have to have. "We're starting to blend together, Yan," he whispered. "Don't know when that really started to happen but... now... I'm not sure I can separate... this." His lips softly grazed Ianto's forehead. "Just tell me you'll forgive me."

 

@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

On the second day Jack met Rhys at the reception desk as Gwen’s long time boyfriend ran into the hospital. With a handshake and a reassuring smile Jack escorted Rhys through the restrictions and security that isolated Torchwood from the public. Rhys was upset that Gwen had been injured, didn't think her position would let that happen. Jack reassured him that it had been a field training mission, an employee "bonding" kind of thing. Some young man, hunting where he shouldn't have been, accidentally shot her. Rhys accepted and focused his attention where it should be, on Gwen.

Tosh was sent home; told to stay offline for forty-eight hours then remote monitor from home if needed. Jack also told her to call him, anytime, day or night if needed... even if just to talk.

Gwen was to be released in the morning. She was given similar orders with an addendum to let Rhys take care of her. He tried to order Owen to go home too with the same advice to call, but the young physician refused. He wanted to make sure Ianto’s was well on the road to recovery. For all his inappropriate comments, for all his irritating manner, Owen did care. 

Jack heard a rush of air out of sync to the steady shallow breathing he had grown used to; saw the more voluntary movement of head and fingers; sensed building awareness. "Ianto," he called softly as his own fingers caressed over Ianto's bruised face then lightly petted dark, matted hair. "Yan."

Eyes fluttered then blinked open to mere slits, as much as his swollen face would allow. "Sir."

Jack’s lips brushed Ianto’s forehead, noting the skin was slightly warmer than it should be. “You’re safe, Yan,” he told him softly. “You’re in hospital. You’re going to be all right.”

Ianto breath caught. “T-Tosh?”

“Safe and well… everyone is all right." Jack thought a moment then added; “They’re dead, Yan. The one’s who did this are dead.”

Ianto was still, even his breath held. Before Jack could wonder he saw Ianto shiver. Bruised, partially opened eyes filled with tears. “Yan… Yan…”

"Sorry," Ianto whispered brokenly. "Sorry..."

Sorry? Jack leaned in as close as he could without interfering with lines attached to the young man. "What could you possibly be sorry about, Ianto? You saved Tosh. You- Ianto?"

Tears continued to flow. "I lost her. I- panicked..."

"Shhh..." Jack gently massaged his fingers through Ianto's hair. "You had every right to panic. And Tosh is fine. She's home. She told me she'd kick your butt if you don't get better."

Ianto stilled again. "They're... gone?" he whispered.

Jack gripped Ianto's hair more firmly; to make sure the young man paid attention. "They're gone. Dead. They can't touch you... ever."

Ianto's head shifted towards Jack. "Tosh... is she here?"

Jack frowned and opened his mouth to say he had just spoken about her then paused. Concussion. Severe concussion. "Tosh is fine, Ianto. She's home."

"Good." Ianto turned his head away. "I'm sorry, Jack."

Jack let out a big sigh. Ianto's thoughts were not going to focus. He was not going to remember from one moment to the next until his brain began to heal in earnest. "Listen to me, Yan," he commanded in his firmest military tone. "You did nothing wrong. You're hurt and you need time to heal. The bastards who did it are never going to touch you again." He lightly caressed Ianto's face. "You need to go back to sleep, Yan. Okay? For me?"

"Yes... all right." Swollen lids closed completely. "You'll be here?" he breathed from far away. 

Jack kissed the young man's forehead then his cheek. "Not going anywhere until you do."

That seemed to calm and sooth. Ianto's head gave the barest movement, a nod, then Jack sensed his friend drift way, though not quite as deeply as before.

"Next time he comes 'round I'll need to do a quick neuro exam."

Jack jerked. Somewhere in his mind he had sensed an added presence close by. But the presence was safe and so his mind dismissed it without identity, his whole concentration on the man he still touched. "Owen."

"Yeah... sorry..." Owen's apology was sincere, without even a hint of sarcasm for what he had probably witnessed. "I've got his latest lab and scan reports."

Jack turned his head to look at Owen. The HUB's physician was standing at the foot of the bed, parts of his face covered in multi-colored bruises. His eyes were on the chart he held, his expression something more than professional but not as open as Jack would have liked. Jack understood that this was yet another fire he was going to have to deal with, but not today. "What's going on?"

"His labs are getting better. He won't need more blood or Plasma. The hematoma on the side of his head there is resolving and bone above it... what I thought was a fracture... is just short of one. Should calcify over time but no permanent damage that I can see but I'll need to do some tests when he wakes up again just to be sure."

"What about his hand?" Jack asked, encouraging Owen to continue.

Owen shrugged as he flipped through the chart. "A lot of deep tissue damage and one small bone broken inside. Should heal without a problem though he might need a visit or two from rehab since he's right-handed." He paused to read a note. "His knee cap and all the surrounding bone and tissue have deep bruising but nothing's broken." He sighed expansively and met Jack gaze for the first time since the end of their mission at Brecon Beacons. "You're not going to tell me, are you?"

_Okay. Maybe we are going to have that discussion today._ "Tell you what?" he asked, still trying to stall.

Owen growled and started to pace around the room. "Fuck you, Jack Harkness!" he growled in an obvious effort to keep from yelling and disturbing Ianto. "He's on the inside part of death's door and I find you snogging him! And then you two turn gold! And then he's..." His hand waved toward Ianto's bed. "He's here!"

Jack thought hard and fast. Then he decided. "I'm sorry," he said first then; "I can't die."

Owen stared at him then smirked. "Past that, Captain. Don't insult my intelligence."

Jack shrugged. He already knew Owen knew, had figured it out. All of his current team had. Oddly only Suzie seemed not to see it, until the end. "I'm not." He patted Ianto's cheek one more time then withdrew and turned in his seat and face Owen fully. "I'm not an alien... well... not that I know of... now." Jack studied the younger man carefully, balancing how much he should say and keep secret. "I am from the future."

That sent Owen's eyebrows up. "How far in the future?"

"A long time," Jack said and hoped the other man would not dig. "I was born on a colony planet... a Human... well mostly Human... colony planet several thousand light years from here."

"And by then Humans don't die?"

Jack smiled. "No, we die, though we live longer. Couple of hundred years under the right circumstances but we do die. I did... once."

Owen met his gaze. "Yet you're here."

"Yup." Jack glanced down at Ianto. "I'm here. Out of my time... or maybe not... I don't know. Something happened while I was traveling and since then I'm... not who I was." _Saved and cursed in a single stroke. Doctor... where the hell are you!_

"So that's it?" Owen pressed though his tone and expression had become more thoughtful and less challenging. 

Jack sighed. "It's all I can tell you. Say more and I could upset this time line... all time lines." _Then the Doctor would definitely find me but not the kind of reunion I'd want to have._

Owen was silent a long time. Then his eyes fell onto Ianto. "So the light show... it's got to do with you not dying?"

"Yes. Sometimes I can share what's inside me. Karys... it was just a little, just to keep her here a few minutes more but it wouldn't have stopped her from dying if we hadn't gotten the alien out of her." He got up and paced a bit. "With most people I never make the right connection to do that... there has to be something on their end to accept it."

"And tea-boy there has it?" Owen held up his hands defensively as Jack glared at him. "Okay... just..." He sighed. "You love him."

"Yes." No hesitation. Jack's stance and expression challenged Owen.

Dr. Harper again backed off. "Just checking." He focused on Ianto's chart, made a few notes. "He's going to be all right, Jack," he assured, all business again, as if the conversation had not taken place. "Staff here's given me a room." He raised his bruised face to his boss. "I'm taking a nap." He walked over to Ianto's side, checked IV lines then looked at monitor reading. For a single moment his hand patted Ianto's shoulder. "Call my cell the moment he wakes up again so I can check him out."

"Will do," Jack replied, his emotions in a jumble. "So... we're good?"

Owen snorted. "I'm going to give Tosh and Gwen a quick call then go to sleep." He deposited Ianto's chart in its holder by the door as he headed out. As his hand touched the door knob he turned back. "I'm not the cold-hearted sod you lot think I am." Then he was gone.

 

_"Really a pretty little thing, isn't he?"_

_Ianto twitched as something hard touched his shoulder then glided over his back. His head hurt. His body hurt more. He couldn't quite remember where he was or what happened. Tosh... he knew Tosh was in danger. Where was everyone? Jack..._

_"Lots of lean meat. Good hard flanks."_

_The hard thing touching him was replaced with a soft touch, searching and patting his thigh, oddly gentle. "Still Evan was right... will need tenderizing... but with a good bleeding out he'll be perfect!"_

_Ianto blinked his eyes as much as he could. He could hardly see but it was enough to bring his memory back. He was lying on a dirty wooden floor that smelt of decaying flesh. Blood. He saw another body on the floor near him. The boy... he didn't know his name, or couldn't remember. But he could make out the terror in the other's eyes..._

_"Awake, eh?" The woman... Helen .... sounded surprised. "Hard head you got there. Wasn't meant to wake up. Easier that way when Evan gets back."_

_Ianto accepted he was going to die, had long accepted his life would be short. But... like this... not knowing if the others were all right... if Jack knew what was happening so he could save Tosh--_

_The blow, when it came, was unexpected. Ianto screamed, some part of him surprised he could make such a sound in the state he was in. Absolute pain spread from his knee up his leg to his hips. Within moments his whole body was on fire... far worse than a fire... his brain tried to hide away from the agony but his self-preservation unwillingly kicked in... if he lost consciousness he would die... and some part of him wouldn't let him die..._

 

"Ianto!"

Gentle feelings wafted into his brain, into his body, working against the agony... the blows... the terror...

"Yan! It's Jack! You're safe. I swear you're safe!" Soft touches to his face and head. "Open your eyes, Yan. Come on."

_Jack._ Ianto tried to breathe, to draw in breath. It was hard... so hard... the pain...

"Here. Let me give him this." 

Rough voice. London. Ianto began to calm as he remembered. "Owen."

"That's me, sleeping beauty." Movement near him. Gentle holding of his arms, still the pressure hurt... his leg hurt... his head... "I'm giving you a bit of morphine, Ianto. Your ribs are badly bruised. You should breathe easier in a moment."

Warmth spread through his arm then into his body. He took a breath the another... still hurt but tolerable... his leg... "Where's Tosh?"

"Home, Ianto," another voice assured. 

Ianto tried to open his eyes but found he could only do it a little. Shadows and light then a face above him, blurred but... Ianto's breath hitched. "Jack."

The face brightened, almost glowed in his vision. The hold on his arms relaxed but did not let go. "Right here, Yan. Right here. You with me?"

"Always." Ianto's vision cleared more. He heard rhythmic sounds... smelled sanitary... medical... smells. "Hospital."

"You're in the hospital," Jack confirmed, his tone quiet and firm. "You're hurt but you're going to be all right."

Hurt? How did he get hurt? Ianto shivered as memories ghosted. "They're going to kill us! Eat us!" He had to tell Jack... he had to save the others... "Jack!"

"Shhhh..." Jack's hands cupped his face, tender. Lips touched his mouth one brief moment, assurance. "They're dead, Ianto. They can't hurt you anymore. Everyone is all right. I promise."

Dead? The monsters were dead? "He was going after Tosh! Did you get-"

"Dead, Ianto." Jack's tone was patient as if it had been said more than once. "Tosh is at home. She's fine."

"Gwen?" He remembered the smell of the sack... blood... vomit... stifling... on his head... stripped away... Gwen's face... terrified... "They got her."

"She went home a few hours ago with Rhys." Fingers petted his hair. Ianto relaxed again, soothed by the contact. "She was hurt but she's going to be fine."

Ianto accepted, felt this had all been said to him before, many times. "I can't seem to remember."

"It's going to be like that for awhile." Owen's voice was uncharacteristically quiet and patient. "You took a couple of good blows. Threw your brain all over your skull. It's going to take a bit to get everything back online."

Oh. Ianto was quiet. Jack's touch was comfortable, took away what pain the Morphine didn't seem to touch. "Feels good," he muttered. It was like this in some of his dreams, this touching. "Wish it were real."

"Gods, Ianto..." Fingers tightened on his scalp carefully. Breath touched his ear. "It is real," Jack whispered, his tone unsteady. "Very real."

Ianto started. Real? Jack was touching him? Like this? Ianto pressed his lips together as another elusive memory came and went. Kiss. "Not real." His thoughts began to flow and collide together with the effort to stay alert. "Can't be." Jack wouldn't touch him like this... he barely forgave him... tolerated him. Why-

"Ian-"

"You're on the mend, tea-boy." Owen's voice stopped Jack's. His use of "tea-boy" held more familiar affection than insult. "All right to go back to sleep. Jack and I will be here and we'll see if you can take in some broth and jello so I don't have to stick a tube up your nose and down your throat to feed you. All right?"

Ianto didn't respond... couldn't. His mind simply drifted and held onto the dream that didn't leave him, a dream he didn't deserve. A dream that held his face and kissed his lips and made promises to someone more deserving than himself...

 

"Let him sleep, Jack," Owen coaxed.

Harkness continued to caress Ianto's face as he sensed the young man's mind leave him... again. "Are you sure he's going to be all right?"

"Absolutely." Pause. "Let him sleep. That means... let go."

Jack hesitated then obeyed. He rubbed his hands over his face. He was exhausted... physically... emotionally... even psychically. He studied Ianto's beaten face. "I've hurt him," he blurted out without thought.

"You saved his life." Owen sat on the other side of Ianto's bed, closer to the monitors and IV ports. His eyes watched Jack then he asked; "If you did this," he waved his hand over Ianto's body; "can you do it again? Can you make this so he'll recover faster?"

Jack swallowed hard. "Yes." He got up and turned away. "But I can't."

"What do you mean... can't?" Owen sounded puzzled and not a little irritated. "I mean if you need privacy..."

"No." Jack paced. He was fighting the urge so hard. Every cell in his body wanted to take Ianto in his arms and force his... whatever alien energy resided within him... so deep into the young man... but he couldn't. "It has to be his choice, Owen. He has to understand... even then..." He turned to face the physician. "I can't do this again... help him... until he understands!"

"Understands what?" Owen crossed his arms. His expression was stern but open. "Make me understand." He cocked his head towards Ianto. "Because it's the only way I'll let you... do this.... again." He smiled a little. "Because *this* wasn't the first time, was it?"

That drew Jack up short. Owen wasn't around the first time. He and Gwen were hiding from the Cyberwoman, in the cooler, in autopsy. "How-"

"Back to insulting my intelligence, Captain?" His tone held a warning but not a lot of sting. "I saw him thrown like so much rubbish across the HUB to land in a heap. When all was said and done I was expecting to deal with a concussion... broken bones... maybe even a dead Ianto." He shifted uncomfortably. "Which at the time, I'm sorry to say, I wouldn't have minded. But no. There he is, trying to save his girlfriend after I stabbed her with nary a scratch on him. Too much going on at the time to say something. Then... I just decided to leave it be. But not now."

Jack deflated. Caught and caught. Owen wanted more... and deserved more. "I've been on Earth, this time, in this time line, since 1869." Owen's expression did not change and Jack gave him points for having figured it out or hiding his surprise. "I was trying to find my way back to where I'd been left but my transport burned out and I was stuck. By the Turn of the 20th Century I'd pretty much figured out some of what I'd become... though not why or what could be done to reverse it." _Doctor... so close... saw you almost two years ago... saw myself... and Rose... and Mickey... so close... so damn close... missed you after... keep missing you... maybe you don't know..._

"So how'd you find out about this thing you did with Ianto?"

Jack shook himself from his memories. "First World War." Bombs. Land mines. Mustard Gas. Poison. Blood. Children in uniforms dying... "I had my own command of a small group of boys barely men. We did a little spying, a little recon for the front line. I had... James." Twenty. Bright. Tall. Loyal. Brave. "Shared a foxhole," he said with a grin.

"I'll bet," Owen commented without judgment. 

"He was... there was just something about him... something I couldn't resist." James stood on a hill covered in snow. It was Christmas Eve. For some strange reason both sides silently allowed a cease-fire, causing a strange silence. Jack had suggested to Command that his people take advantage of it. He was looked at as if he had two heads. That would be, they told him, immoral to fight on Christmas. James threw a snowball at him, laughed as Jack tackled him to the ground, sighed as their lips met... 

"He'd gotten hurt. His arm got sliced open. Not too bad, but back then it wasn't the injury it was the infection. He let me stitch it up... I had some "special ointment" to keep it from infecting. That night we really got to know each other... in my tent... during a small snow storm." Jack was surprised to find his own cheeks tingling with a blush as Owen smirked. "Anyway... it was different. James was psi-sensitive. Empathic. I'm... I have some talent."

"Thought you might, in spite of the test in your profile that says you barely register. But I'm guessin' by your time Torchwood's tests are a joke."

Jack shrugged. "Not even enough to be a joke. But I'm not that strong. Not really." Lie, he told himself. _Since your little trip with a certain Time Lord that's all been changing._ "But Ianto... not so much telepathy as empathy." His eyes ran over the figure on the hospital bed. Ianto was looking better, less pale. "That's why I've already forgiven him... for Lisa even if I was a bastard at the time."

"So what about this James? What happened?"

Back on topic. Jack sighed then sat down next to Ianto but kept himself from touching the young man. "The next morning James' wound was almost completely healed. I had to pick the sutures out from his skin... not pleasant for him." Jack's lips pressed together in remembered sympathy. "Four months later we were caught in the drift of a mustard gas bomb. James went down." Jack wrinkled his nose as the acrid smell assailed his memory. "I got us away and I... kissed him... I couldn't let him die. I forced the gas from his system. He was fine."

"Doesn't sound like a problem, Jack."

Jack shook his head. "It wasn't. It was great. I could keep him safe. We could almost read each other's thoughts. We loved each other... but then the war ended." He stared at his hands, letting moments from the past come and go. "James went home. He had a fiancé, a woman he loved very much. I understood... I told him that. Agreed to be... friends. I mean, back then, what we did... it happened, some even understood... but it was also understood that something like that always began and ended on the battlefield." Jack let his frustration and confusion show. "I don't understand you people in regards to that. Triads are more common than monogamy in my time. Larger polyamorous groups are completely accepted. But not in 1918... not even now."

"What happened?"

Jack got up again, nervous energy building within. He had never spoken about this, some part of him wondered why he was doing it now... with Owen of all people. But it was important. Ianto was important. His team was important. Some inner voice told him this sharing with Owen was important. "Over the year or so we'd been together we'd gotten... connected. He could feel me... I could feel him. Even at a distance. James and I were bonded and I couldn't separate us. The process had been so natural, the effort to separate so unnatural to the... thing that's inside me. It didn't stop him from marrying her, from them having a life... children. But James couldn't handle the connection between us. He came to hate me, thinking I'd done it on purpose... made him corrupt, especially when he found we couldn't be apart for more than a few months without the need to reconnect."

 

_"What have you done to me!" James demanded as they met in London, five months after he had told Jack he never wanted to see him again. "I can't... do this! I can't feel this way!"_

_Jack held the younger man close, hoping that contact alone would balance it all out and they could part. James could go home to wife, to his new baby. "I'm sorry."_

_James roughly pushed him away. "Then make it go away! You're the creature who did it!"_

_Yes... Jack understood that he had done it, even if he hadn't understood how at the time... why. James' pain was his own. He didn't understand because the feelings... the love... was there. But the social pressure of this age dominated. James was in agony, the conflict tearing him apart as his empathic talents picked up the hatred and ignorance of others. "I can't, James. I can't." He reached out to him. They were connected. They needed each other. Jack was strong, had more control but this was tearing him apart. "James."_

_"Get away!" James backed away, his eyes wide with horror. "I-I told Christina. I told her! I swore to her I'd stop this rather than let shame touch her and my daughter!"_

_Jack found himself face to face with the barrel of a gun. "James, I-"_

_The shot filled Jack's vision. Familiar death surrounded him..._

 

"When I... came back... James was still there. He was in shock, had felt my death... had felt me come back... had felt it all. It was too much." A few tears fell down Jack's face. "He... lost himself. His empathy had exploded, taken his mind." He remembered taking his lover into his arms, telling him it was all right, he was forgiven... begging him to focus, to come back. "I tried to heal him." His hands closed into fists as he remembered that kiss... that last kiss. "I tried... but he was gone. Though I could still feel him," he tapped his head; "here. It was bad.... torture... until he died a few months later... in an asylum."

"I'm sorry." Owen's words were compassionate, his expression as soft as Jack had ever seen it. 

Jack gave him a teary smile, rubbed his hands together to rid himself of the memory of the feel of... James. The feelings dimmed, as they usually did but never left completely, would never leave him. "I am too." Jack sniffed. Hard learned discipline kicked in, forcing him to deal with the present, with... Ianto. "It might already be too late."

 

@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

Three days ago he awoke the second time, frightened and scared. But Jack was there, helped him to remember. The cannibals. Tosh. He was in hospital, healing. And Jack was there. And Owen. He was safe. The one who tried to... eat him were dead.

Food. He didn't want to eat at first. His face hurt. His jaw hurt. His stomach rebelled with a strange combined feelings of hunger and nausea.

 

_"I wasn't joking when I said I'd stick a tube down your throat, mate." Owen was checking his monitors, changing a setting on the pump that delivered fluids through Ianto's IV lines. "You're going to let me or Jack feed you or I'll order it."_

 

Chicken broth... Jello... toast... juice... Ianto ate and drank on command. Jack was patient, attentive, soft spoken... but there was a difference... or maybe there wasn't. Ianto dreamed of touches... kisses... something that reached deep... so very deep... he dreamed of Jack's voice in his head... calling him back when all he wanted to do was fade away...

But in reality Jack was oddly distant. He didn't touch more than necessary. He didn't kiss... Ianto accepted that that had been his imagination along with the strange, alien visions that came with it. 

However, more than that there was the change, perhaps in Ianto himself.... perhaps because of the injury. From their first meeting he could "sense" Jack... sense emotions in contrast to the older man's facial expressions. Sensed... something different... vast... almost alien... but not. It scared him... confused him... attracted him. Jack seemed to return this focus. Torchwood Three's leader teased him... flirted with him... but never demanded, never made any suggestions that crossed the line. After a time it was expected... comfortable... even soothing when Ianto's nerves were overrun with the raging emotions of others.

Now there seem to be... nothing. He could sense nothing from Jack beyond the immediate impression of facial expression... of words... of the rare contact. It was not hostile... not angry... not rejection... not... Jack. Ianto thought he understood. He had failed; he had disappointed. Jack had a right to keep it distant... professional...

"Lunch!"

Ianto looked up as Jack came into the small private room, tray in hand. Filled. In a moment the tray was set on the bedside table and the lid was lifted off the main dish plate. 

"Macaroni and cheese!" Jack was smiling, his eyes held the glittering excitement of a child. Ianto sensed a distant echo that mirrored the same emotion. 

Ianto stared at the small portion of melted cheese over pasta... the juice... jello. They were stepping up his diet. More calories... more solid food. "Thank you, sir."

Jack sighed and sat down, arranging utensils, his pose deflated. "We're both off duty right now, Ianto. No "sir" here... please?"

Ianto studied his boss. "You're off duty?" When did that happen? Jack was never off duty. 

"I am now." Jack was visibly tense... uncomfortable. He busied himself by opening all the other wrappings and lids on Ianto's tray. "You need to eat," he said then glanced at Ianto. "Do you need help?"

His right hand was broken and wrapped. His left hand had an IV on the back, a port line on the underside of his forearm. It made it difficult to life a fork but not impossible. But Jack had been patiently feeding him, made it clear that it should not be considered embarrassing or shameful... simply help. Ianto stared at his hands, his arms then sighed. He wasn't ready. "Yes, s-... Jack."

Jack brightened. "Here." He efficiently tucked a napkin under Ianto's chin. "Here comes the choo choo!"

Ianto reacted to the campy tease with an honest smirk. He ate... drank. Even managed the jello. He felt better, more alert. There was still the pain, now throbbing. Soon there would be more drugs, orally or by IV and he would sleep. He sensed Jack stayed with him... always stayed with him, never sleeping. But then Jack never slept... hardly slept. But he did need to rest. Ianto was keeping him from it.

"How are you feeling, Yan?"

The meal was done. The tray was set aside. Afterwards Jack would usually find a reason to leave for a time... make calls. Ianto understood. Even an off-duty Jack was a busy Jack. But now the older man was sitting close, his blue eyes were watching Ianto closely. Almost like a light switch Ianto could "feel" Jack... a little... like a peep-hole opening. "I don't understand."

Jack shifted closer, his hands rested on the side of the bed but Ianto sensed a desire for contact. "What?"

Ianto closed his eyes and looked away. It was him... his head was healing... he was picking up impressions again... whispers... confusing duality between what people said and what they meant. "You won't understand."

"You'd be surprised." Ianto startled as a warm hand gently enclosed around the fingers of his left hand. "Please tell me."

Jack's tone was soft, almost compelling. Ianto tried to pull his hand back but Jack's grip tightened carefully, making clear he wouldn't allow it. "Why?"

"Why what?"

Ianto stared at the monitor by his bed. His heart rate was rising. His blood pressure was still a bit low. His oxygen saturation was-

"Yan..." Jack sounded hesitant. Ianto sensed a brief spark of fear. What could Jack be afraid of? "I want to help you but I have to tell you a few things. Do you think you're up to listening?"

Ianto turned his attention back. Jack always had the hint of a smirk on his face... the kind of smirk that turned to laughter or anger without warning. But the smirk was gone... replaced by dark seriousness laced with compassion, even need. "What's wrong?" Ianto could not help the surge of panic that wafted through him. Did it have to do with those cannibals... had one survived?

Jack smiled. His hand touched the top of Ianto's head. "Calm down, Yan. You're safe. It's okay."

Jack's touch invaded. Ianto gasped then closed his eyes and sigh as the nagging discomfort of his healing body suddenly ebbed. "What's this?" he questioned aloud as he understood. It wasn't him it was- "How can you do this?"

Dark eyebrows rose. Fingers gently massaged Ianto's hair. "Hmmm... way too sensitive." Jack's eyes continued to search Ianto's face. "Part of what I wanted to tell you... this." His fingers continued to caress. "I need to tell you... but first I want you to know... that I love you."

Ianto hissed as he forced his hand out of Jack's. "No!." He tried to move away. "No! Please!"

"Ianto... don't!." Jack stood and carefully gripped Ianto's arm and threw up his own mental shields against the unexpected reaction. "Ianto, I'm sorry! Please don't hurt yourself! Please!"

Ianto was breathing hard. His IV lines were stretched taut. His heart rate was rising quickly. "You can't! You can't!." The tears and anguish were in his voice... sounding so much like he did all those months ago with Lisa. "You can't!"

"All right, mate! Bedtime for a bit."

_Owen._ Ianto eyes focused on his friend, on the syringe in his hand. "No... Owen... I don't-"

Owen plunged the needle into the IV port. "Wasn't asking.." He emptied the contents of the syringe. "That's it, Ianto," he said as the young man's body grew lax almost immediately. "Jack help me get him situated."

Jack did as ordered, straightening limbs and checking for injuries. Ianto's eyes met his and Harkness couldn't decide what he was seeing in them. Fear? James had that look almost a century before, the realization of the change he hadn't noticed until now. "Ianto, I'm sorry," he tried again as his own heart broke. "I'm sorry."

"No!" Ianto's eyes dimmed as the Owen's drugs began to take effect. "Not you... Jack... me... don't deserve..."

"Enough from you!" Owen said sharply though his touch on Ianto was light. "Can't have you fucking up the last five days by getting hysterical. Just give in and drop out."

Almost on command Ianto's eyes closed and his breathing evened out. Jack's fingers grazed the young man's face as he fought the natural urge to reach out, to connect. Ianto didn't want him. He would not force--

"Sit down, Jack."

Jack drew in a breath. "I'm leaving.." He would not cause the Welshman more pain. He didn't know what he needed to do to make sure Ianto was taken care of... because he couldn't have him return to the HUB... work for Torchwood. He turned away and walked towards the door-

There was a familiar clicking sound from behind. "Sit down or I'm going to have to explain to the staff here how I haven't really shot you dead. Lots of people to Retcon. Yeah?"

Jack's fingers were on the doorknob as it registered. He turned around to find Owen standing at the end of Ianto's bed, his gun expertly trained on his boss. "You're kidding." He didn't doubt Owen might do it but... why?

"Touch the door again and you'll find out I'm not."

Okay. Jack sighed and returned to his chair and sat down. He knew he could get Owen's gun from him, sensed the physician was not completely serious about shooting him. But if Owen was willing to threaten him like this then it was important enough to listen. "Happy?"

Owen smirked. The gun disappeared. "What the hell were you doing?" he demanded quietly, almost angrily. "I walk in and you're telling the kid you love him. What happened to what you told me... that you'd wait until Ianto was better?"

Jack sighed and rubbed his face. "I... he's in so much pain... inside. I tried to disconnect from him so I wouldn't influence him but that made it worse." He spread his hands out in a plea. "This is what happened with James... this connection. I have to help him!"

"Then help him, Jack."

"He said no!" Jack growled as Ianto stirred. Against his will he touched the young man's cheek, feeling calmer as Ianto seemed to find comfort and his consciousness faded into a more healing state. "Gods... I don't know how to fix this!"

"I don't remember him saying no."

_What?_ Jack gave him a disbelieving smile. "I'm sorry... were you here when he tried to rip out his IVs in order to get away from me?"

"Yeah.." Owen shrugged. "But you weren't listening... and I know something you don't."

"Like?" Jack really, really needed to get to know Owen better. Oh yeah... he hand picked him, recruited him, knew the first time his diaper was changed... but he didn't take time to get to know him. In fact he realized he really didn't take time to get to know any of his people the way he had a feeling he needed to... including Ianto... in spite of their near melding of minds.

Owen watched Ianto sleep for a moment, his expression neutral then hardened. "You know a lot of scans and x-rays were done." He sighed. "Most of the time it reveals this and that... someone fell off a swing as a kid and broke their wrist... some other kid tried to climb to the top of someone's tree and breaks their leg." His eyes moved from Ianto to Jack. "Sometimes it can be a real history lesson."

_Oh shit._ Jack swallowed the lump of bile that suddenly lodged in his throat as he immediately understood. "Abuse? Someone..." His hands found Ianto, caressed his hair... his face. "Someone hurt him?"

"Yeah... pretty bad at least once." Owen cocked his head. "The beating those... cannibals gave him was only a little worse than what he got then. The difference I suppose is that he didn't die then."

Gods. Anger surged within. "Who?"

Owen shrugged, his own expression dark. "His father died when he was two. His mother lived with her brother... who wound up killing his wife... not place to raise a child. When Ianto was seventeen he left home."

_And never went back,_ Jack finished silently. He assumed Ianto's growing up had not been good. His mother still lived yet Ianto never mentioned her, never seem to make time to contact her. He knew about the young man's uncle but didn't connect. Records of the investigation mentioned that Ianto had moved out of the home by then. He didn't think. Jack's own childhood hadn't been anything he tried to recall too often so he didn't think to intrude on Ianto's.

"Makes sense now," Owen continued. "Some things." He checked monitors then faced Jack. "So the problem isn't you, Captain. The problem is inside his tortured soul. But... he was talking to Tosh once... all very sweet. They didn't see me in the background." He patted Jack's shoulder as he walked past him. "Can't believe I'm playing yenta to you two."

Then he was gone, leaving Jack alone with Ianto and his thoughts...

 

_"What did you think you were doing!"_

_"He was hurtin' him! I couldn't let Ian hurt him!"_

_"He's a fucking faggot! Needed some sense knocked into him!"_

_"He didn't need anything, Uncle Liam! He didn't hurt anyone! He was almost dead by the time someone came to help! They asked me what I saw and I told them!"_

_"You spoke against your own cousin over a-"_

_"He's my friend!"_

_"You're joking. That piece of shit is your... friend!"_

_"Yes!"_

_"Then it's true what I've heard! You little fairy! Under my roof for the last ten years! Eating my food! Felt sorry for you for your da! Listened to your mum and went soft on you... only touched you when you really needed it! Well no more. Not gonna have one of mine turned into one of them!"_

_"Uncle Liam. No! I'm sorry! Please stop! Stop!"_

 

Ianto gasped as he tried to move. His body felt heavy. Hospital smells assailed him. He hurt. His whole body throbbed, some places worse than others. Brecon Beacons. He remembered. Everyone safe. Him in hospital. Owen put him out. Jack...

His eyes snapped open then slowly shifted. Jack sat next to his bed, much as he had been there for a long as Ianto's concussed mind could remember. His blue eyes were on him; his expression was calm and watchful. In the last moment before his drugged sleep he remembered the older man's words... and his reaction. "I'm sorry."

Jack gave him a small smile and shook his head. "I should be sorry, Yan. I shouldn't have thrown that at you like that." His hand gently touched Ianto's arm. Contact. "I need to talk to you... even if you don't feel the same way... that way."

Ianto looked away but didn't try to withdraw. In all honesty he still felt drugged, his body too heavy to resist. But more, he didn't want to resist. "I- I'm not used to this," he threw out in general. He wanted to explain but it was hard... to open up.

"Because I'm a man? Because that's okay, Ianto. I thought... but even I can be wrong." His tone was teasing but serious.

"No." Ianto continued to stare at the opposite wall, not knowing if he could say what he wanted to say if he faced his supervisor. "You're not wrong. Not wrong. But... I can't. I feel... it hurts."

Jack's physical presence shifted closer. Ianto's heart began to race as he suddenly felt something within his mind awaken. "Are you in pain? Do I need to call Owen?"

Ianto sighed. "Not more than I can handle," he admitted. "I... you wouldn't understand."

"Then talk to me, Yan. Please tell me. If I don't understand I'll ask and you can explain." Jack's grip on Ianto's arms pulsed, a gesture of reassurance. "Please."

"I feel things, Jack." He lifted his wrapped hand and indicated his chest. "In here. All the time. People. As a child it was very confusing. People said one thing and felt another."

"That's called empathy, Yan," Jack told him quietly with knowledge and understanding. "You have a gift."

That brought Ianto's eyes to Jack's face. Within he could sense something like a barrier slip away within the older man. Love. Need. All gently offered not forced. "Not a gift. It hurts."

Jack frowned but his emotions remained steady. "I'm going to tell you a few things, Yan. You can ask me anything you want and I promise I'll answer all that I can. Then... it's up to you."

Choices. Ianto was confused. Jack was broadcasting urgency, as if this... talking couldn't wait. Every time he was told he could choose but he had already chosen. He loved Jack but wasn't worthy. He had caused his first relationship, Lisa, to fail. Caused Lisa to be in a place she wasn't suppose to be when the Cybermen came. "What's up to me?"

Jack's smile was back. Relief broadcasted. "I think you know some of this." He sighed. "I can't die. Something happened and I was changed... I can't die."

Numbly, Ianto nodded. He had long suspected, had witnessed so much. Chose not to ask questions. "I know. I know you've been here... a long time." He gave Jack a small smile. "I kept the archives in London... and here. There are photographs. Odd observations during the early 20th Century in India. A record of you at Ellis Island. Then odd references of a Jack Harness. Three men by the name of Captain Jack Harkness during World War II, even a reference to a possible fourth though that could never be confirmed." Ianto felt an odd moment of amusement as he could see he surprised the normally unflappable, present day, Jack Harkness. "You really should have learned to adapt other names, created birth and death certificates. Haven't you ever seen Highlander?"

Jack closed his mouth and visibly gathered himself, then shrugged as if giving in to Ianto's research. "Doesn't work like that. Changing names. Altering documents. It draws attention. Better to leave things alone. Hide in plain sight. No one generally notices because no one looks for it." Jack cocked his head. "Of course since the 1970s it's been more interesting."

_I wasn't even born in the 1970s. My mum was a child... a young teen. Sixteen years older than me._ "Computers. More reliance on numbers rather than names." He looked at the hand touching his arm. "Of course all of those records have been recently... misplaced."

"Really?" Jack gave him a sly smile though his eyes expressed something darker. "Why?"

Ianto winced as more negative emotions touched him. After so many days of Jack's soft presence and gentleness it was a shock. Of course, he reflected, Jack had a right. "I'd like to say it was to protect you... but that only came later." He looked away, unable to meet Jack's eyes. It was enough he could feel what Jack was broadcasting. "When I first heard of you, heard some of the rumors, I decided to do some research. Everything seemed in order. Grandfathers... Great Grandfathers... all explained. I left it go." He stared at his lap, wondered if all the good that had happened here was going to go to ruin... again. 

"Then there was Lisa. I was angry, Jack. My... connection to Lisa was completely gone and I didn't want to see that it had been gone since she had been able to breathe on her own. I did more research... found some pictures of you. I even found something close to proof that you had been here... that you were... alien. I was going to-"

"Turn me in," Jack finished, his tone carefully neutral. "Watch me suffer as they locked me up."

Tears suddenly burned the back of Ianto's eyes. "Yes."

Jack's grip on his arm tightened a bit but did not withdraw. "What changed?"

"You came back from that mission that night... after Estelle died." Ianto let the memories come. Jack was darkly silent as he carried in a body bag, small and thin, in his arms... gently... carefully. Ianto already knew who it was. Tosh told him. With absolute care the bag was laid on the silver table while Gwen, Tosh... even Owen stood behind him respectfully. He opened the bag, revealing the face of an old woman... Estelle... someone Ianto knew Jack had dealings with, supported quietly... had recently bought a house for and seemed to be in negotiations with the old woman to make her move somewhere nicer... safer. Her face had a bluish cast... new death becoming something more. Without hesitation Jack bent to kiss the old woman... not on the forehead but lightly on the lips... the kiss of a parted lover...

"You loved her," Ianto said. "When she was young... when she was old. You loved her deeply... I felt it." Something in Jack altered, the flow of emotions changed. Ianto drew a deep breath, determined to finish. "I asked you if you'd ever loved someone like I'd loved Lisa. I was out of control... cruel. It was then I realized how cruel I'd been." He closed his eyes, unwilling to have tears fall so Jack could see. He had no right to cry. "I never loved Lisa like that... I'd never loved anyone like that." Until you...

"Yan." Jack's breath teased the side of Ianto's face. "It's okay."

Frustration and anger suddenly erupted without warning from within Ianto's soul. "It's not... okay! I stood against you, called you a monster... inferred that you were heartless!" He tried to move his arm from Jack's grip but found Jack would not allow it. "I came to understand just the kind of hell you live... you love and watch them die, one after the other." Emotions were overwhelming now, his own and Jack's. "You're already suffering and I didn't know. So... I burned it all... everything. Cleaned out all references in Torchwood data-base... even UNIT's date-base where I could find you. I can't stop your suffering but I can protect you where I can." He silently cursed as a sob escaped him. "I think I would have anyway. I don't think I could have done it... turned you in. Something within me was already trying to make me see reason and I was starting to listen."

Jack's fingers were in his hair. Jack's presence tentatively brushed his mind. "I forgave you the day after Lisa died, Ianto. I knew you were angry and I'm sorry... I was a bastard too. I should have locked you up in a cell and had Tosh stay with you then dealt with the problem myself. I knew you weren't thinking straight. You were overloaded. Your empathy could no longer separate one emotion from another." Jack sighed. "I trust you, Ianto. I do."

Ianto felt the truth and it was too much. Tears rolled from his eyes to burn a path down this bruised face. "How can you trust me? How can you... love me? I'm nothing... damaged... even Lisa understood that-"

Firm fingers gripped his chin, forced his head up and around. Jack's blue eyes were on him... glinted with an odd golden light that Ianto thought he'd seen... once or twice... in a dream. "You listen carefully, Ianto Jones," Jack growled, seemingly angry but Ianto felt something deeper... almost a fear... broadcast from the older... far older... man. "I love you. All of you... damaged parts too. I trust you as much as I've trusted anyone... even as much as I trust the Doc-" He sighed, glanced away then back, his expression more gentle. "We're connected, Yan... maybe since the first time we met. But I tried to avoid it, didn't want to forced myself on you... hoped we could do this slow or just live off the little sparks of sexual tension that came between us." He shrugged. "I don't think slow is in my genes."

"No," Ianto agreed, his voice unsteady. "No half-measures." Tears still escaped Ianto's eyes, irritating. Jack smiled at him and released his chin. A moment last a clean cloth dabbed at his face, careful of the deeply bruised skin. "I'm sor-"

"Apologize and I'll-" Jack stopped himself and shook his head, his expression amused. "I'll do something you'd probably like if you were feeling better." The cloth was spread over his nose. "Blow."

"Jack." No way was he going to-

"Don't fuss, Yan. I'm old enough... been around enough... bodily fluids of all kinds don't even make me blink... snot's not even on list of things that come close. You need to breath. Blow!"

Ianto gave in and did so, trying not to feel embarrassed. The action, however, was not the wisest as the throbbing in his brain exploded into real pain. "Oh god..."

"Damn!" The cloth came away. A strong hand cupped the back of Ianto's head, another hand cupped his cheek. "Yan... sorry... didn't think. I was going to wait to talk about what I'm about to do but I'm not going to watch you be in pain like this and I don't think you need to be drugged again." Jack's face filled Ianto's vision, bright and beautiful. His eyes held that light he'd seen... that mysterious power he had seen in his dreams, drawing him from that final void...

"I was dying." Ianto heard the words... the truth... tumble from his mouth. "You kissed me."

Now Jack's eyes were moist, his expression almost defeated. "Yeah... we gotta talk about that." 

Ianto's vision of Jack blurred as the older man's lips, warm and alive, covered his own. Ianto had no time to think and had no urge to resist as Jack's kiss took him, gentle but insistent. In the next instant he felt the power touch and fill him. Jack was with him... mind and body... seeking the hurt... soothing...

_Need you to sleep, Yan._ Jack's voice was within. _Later... we'll speak later..._

Ianto blissfully obeyed.

 

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"He won't need this anymore."

The needle was gently withdrawn from the back of Ianto's hand. Jack's finger was taken and placed on top of the gauze square put on to capture excess bleeding. 

"Hold your finger there for the next few minutes."

Jack obeyed, remaining silent. Owen came in twenty minutes after Ianto fell asleep, comfortable for the first time since their mission in Brecon Beacons. Ianto's face was a mosaic of different colors, half-healed bruises. His vitals were normal. Owen looked at the bag that was still delivering fluid to the port still stuck in Ianto's forearm. "That's antibiotics," he pointed out. "I want to let that run out." He lifted Ianto's right arm and flexed the fingers. "Swelling's gone here. I'll order an x-ray when he wakes up." His eyes met Jack's for an instant then glanced away. "Probably can take this thing off. I'll check his knee out then too. No need to check it now."

Jack remained silent. Waiting. He mentally placed a bet with himself as to when Owen would-

"So you two have a good chat?"

Jack casually lifted the gauze from Ianto's hand. The tiny hole he was expecting to see as a residual to the IV needle was gone, as if it had never been inserted. More receptive than James ever was, he noted to himself.

"Jack."

"Yes." He took Ianto's left hand into his and laced their fingers together. His energy was returning but he needed to rest. He only meant to take the pain until he and Ianto could talk about this. But the energies within his body seem to have other ideas. "Though not about everything."

Owen sat down in the other chair, on the other side of Ianto's bed. "Enough so he understood when you did... this?"

Jack shrugged. "He was in pain, Owen."

"Hey!" Owen held up his hands as if defending himself. "Not for me to argue over a patient's fast and uncomplicated recovery. Only wanted to know if he knows."

Jack thought to give a vague sarcastic comment that would let Owen know he didn't want to talk about it but quickly decided that would be rude. Owen had earned honesty. "He knows more than I thought he did, clever little gremlin that he is." He smoothed hair off of Ianto's forehead, caressing newly healed skin. "But not everything."

Owen nodded. "Jack... he's not James."

"I know." _Ianto's more sensitive... more powerful. I wonder how he managed to survive the way he has._ "I can't separate us," he declared, voicing his guilt. "I've sealed us together, even more strongly than James and I ever were." He met Owen's gaze and decided to hold nothing back. "We have a weak telepathic link."

"Do you?" Owen's eyebrows lifted to his hairline. "Is this link one-sided?"

"No." Jack knew what the physician was trying to say and resisted. Ianto was too sick, too weak to make decisions. But Owen was right. Deep in his mind... his soul... Ianto understood and decided. At least Jack hoped that was true because the alternative--

"Then I don't see a problem," Owen concluded. "And I don't understand why you're determined to have this pity party." Owen smiled widely as Jack glared at him. "Jack... you've pushed Ianto's recovery up about three to five weeks. When he wakes up he's going to be sore but he should be able to get up and walk, with your help."

Jack nodded. Somewhere deep within he knew it was going to be all right but it wasn't the way he wanted it to be. He wanted Ianto to be ready... be well... consent while consent meant something. 

"Don't treat this like an execution, Captain." Owen gently and carefully began removing adhesive pads from Ianto's chest, neck and head... leads to monitors he no longer needed. He left on the requisite pulse monitor on Ianto's left forefinger. He paused in his movements to catch Jack's gaze. "Why are you treating this like an execution? Don't you... want him?"

"Yes." Jack would never lie and express doubt about that. "I just wanted..." He sighed as his thoughts kept hitting fully powered defense shields. He was fighting himself... an uncomfortably uncharacteristic personality trait. "You're right," he finally acknowledged.

"Fuckin' right I am." Owen walked up to Jack and put a hand on his boss' shoulder. "I'm going to do some tests and scans when he's up, after he eats. If it all turns out the way I think it will he can be released tomorrow morning." Pause. "His home or yours but don't leave him alone."

Jack nodded.

Owen patted him and moved past to leave. But as he reached the door he turned, a smirk on his face. "Never thought I'd ever say this but that not leaving him alone part? I mean that in every way you want to imagine. Just... go slow, eh?"

Then he was gone.

 

When Ianto awoke, pain was almost gone. The numbness and tightness where the deepest bruises were felt nearly normal. Ianto was sitting up in the hospital bed, eating toast and eggs, able to feed himself. Jack sat by him, pleasant... helpful... attentive but mostly silent. Ianto answered with silence, not questioning what might have happened. Jack said they would talk. Ianto had to trust that they would.

Then Owen took him for scans and x-rays. Two hours later Ianto watched as the wrapped cast was removed from his right hand. Fingers were stiff. His palm was badly bruised but nothing was broken... not anymore. His knee was also stiff with signs of healed bruising but the deep tissue damage was gone. His body seem to have morphed during his nap. Owen told him he could go home in the morning and finish healing.

"Probably fakin' it the whole time, tea-boy."

Ianto acknowledged with a nod, not knowing how much Owen knew, how much was safe to say. Ianto sat up on the bed, stiff but mostly comfortable... no longer attached to any IV or monitoring device. Jack had gone out. Told Ianto he needed to make several calls then he would be back. His tone was smooth, confident and pleasant. Ianto sensed tension even an odd anticipation. Nothing negative but nothing clear... almost a holding pattern...

"Hey, I thought Owen told you to rest."

Ianto startled as voice and presence suddenly invaded his own mindless wanderings. "I am resting."

Jack took off his great coat and flung it on a chair. His blue eyes studied Ianto closely as he stood by the side of the bed. "Do you know how cute you are in that hospital gown?"

Ianto glanced away, embarrassed. Flirtation. Jack never seem to miss the chance, though he hadn't in days... weeks really. Ianto shrugged. 

Hands cupped his face and forced Ianto to looked up. Jack's face came into view a moment before a kiss landed on Ianto's lips. Faint promises but no demands. "I got some hospital scrubs. Wanna get cleaned up?"

Clean up? Since the beginning of his stay at the hospital Jack had been cleaning him, sponge baths given twice a day. Gently but professionally given, no hint of flirtation or much comment at all. Ianto had been grateful. He really hadn't fancied a strange man or woman doing it. But now there was nothing professional in Jack's offer but neither did Ianto sense the older man would do anything more than help.

"Come on, Yan," Jack coaxed with his usual enthusiasm. "I'd just let you do it yourself but I don't think you're steady on your feet yet."

Ianto conceded. In spite of healed wounds he felt as weak as a kitten. "All right."

"Great!" Jack held out a hand. "Promise to be a gentleman."

_I rather doubt that,_ Ianto responded silently but took the other man's hand.

The hospital room's bath was small and efficient. Toilet. Sink. Stand up shower. Walking the short distance made Ianto oddly dizzy. He had mentioned it to Owen, the weakness and disorientation. Owen didn't seem to have an answer but thought perhaps, given the near-lethal injuries, his body had yet to adjust to the fact that they were nearly healed. Jack didn't say anything but his expression told Ianto that Owen was most likely right.

"Hold onto the sink. I'll be right back." Jack patted his shoulder. "Don't try to get in without me. Owen would kill me."

The last was said with amusement... like an inside joke. And it was. Ianto managed a small smile. Jack stepped out. A moment later he was back; stripped down to his boxers and carrying towels. Ianto tried but failed to keep his eyes averted from the muscular flesh that wrapped around a tall well-toned body. He felt a burn erupt and spread over his face and body as Jack smiled at him, as the attraction was returned surrounded with love and, oddly, relief.

"If you keep that up I'm going to drop the 'gentleman' part of my offer."

Ianto's eyes met Jack's and he couldn't help his own lips turning up in honest reaction. "What about harassment, sir?"

Jack smile widened and he stepped up to Ianto, cupped the younger man's face in his hand. "That implies you don't want this."

Passion and need washed over Ianto. Within himself he wanted to answer that, wanted to-- but that discomfort, that feeling he couldn't... shouldn't streamed over him. Too close. He couldn't get too close...

"Hey, Yan." Jack seem to understand. All seduction and teasing were gone, replaced by concern. His thumb wiped at Ianto's cheek then withdrew. "Let's get you clean and comfortable."

 

True to his word, Ianto was stripped of his hospital gown, soaped, rinsed and dried. Jack helped him keep his balance as he put on the scrubs pants then handed him the linen top. With casual, reassuring words Jack guided Ianto back to the hospital bed, which had been stripped and changed. Ianto sank down gratefully, exhaustion taking hold now that he was clean, dry and detached from all manner of equipment. "Thank you," he muttered.

"Nothing to thank me for, Yan." Ianto's hand was taken between Jack's larger ones. "I want to do this. You can sleep if you want. I'll get a light supper for you when you wake up again."

"You don't have to stay," Ianto offered sleepily even as a part of him protested the loss of the older man's presence from his side, from his mind.

Hand tightened around Ianto's. "I'm not going anywhere. We still need to have our little talk. But it can wait. You're going to be all right and that's all I want right now. I won't leave you unless you want me to." Pause. Ianto felt a shiver of dread through the physical connection between them. "Do you want me to go?"

"No." Ianto forced his eyes open. Jack hovered over him, his eyes bright, his face full of intense emotions. "I don't want you to go. I don't want to burden you--"

Fingers softly clamped over Ianto's mouth, stopping his words. Jack smiled gently. "You are not a burden, Yan. I want you. I love you. I'll take this as slow or fast as you want it, as you can handle it. We have things to talk about... some of it about me.... some of it about you... a lot of it about the both of us." Jack's fingers moved in a caress. "Please give me... give us... a chance."

A plea. A fear. A memory brushed against Ianto's mind, not his own... the image of a young man with blond hair came and went followed by feeling of intense love... intense sadness. "Don't leave me then," Ianto said finally. "You keep the dark away."

Soft lips caressed the still bruised skin on the back of Ianto's hand. "For as long as you want me, Yan. That much I can promise."

 

It was surreal. After seven days in the hospital he was sitting in the front passenger seat of Torchwood's SUV. After a little over three hours of unusually careful driving by Jack, they were at Ianto's home, his flat in a building near Cardiff Bay. Tosh had asked permission then went to the small set of rooms and aired everything out, stocked the refrigerator and freezer with fresh groceries and made sure all mail was collected and stacked properly by the door. She even, at Jack's instruction, brought change of clothes for Jack.

She was there when Jack brought Ianto home. She gave Ianto a careful hug, never questioning the swift recovery. She gave Jack a hug too and earned a kiss on the cheek in response. She offered to make lunch for them but Jack politely refused. Ianto was tired from their trip. He gave her another sweet kiss then told her to let the others know Ianto was home, that they could visit anytime, just to call first.

A few hours later Owen called, checking on his patient. Assured he told Jack to call if anything changed. As their cells disconnected Jack smirked as he thought he heard a familiar female murmur... Gwen.

Ianto barely had the energy to move to his bedroom, so Jack carried him. He didn't have the energy to change clothes so Jack stripped him to his underwear. Ianto didn't have the ability to speak but his need for Jack left no doubt. Jack stripped himself to his own underwear and slipped in beside him. Without a thought he used that new link between them to send soothing waves of comfort to Ianto until the younger man fell into deep sleep. 

 

_Baseball Bat._

_Ianto was focused on it... fighting the urge to freeze as, against his will, his mind tried to connect it to that other time... that other place..._

_"What are you going to do?" Tosh's voice was brave but Ianto could feel her terror searing through him. "Put us on meat hooks?"_

_Evan smiled at her then leered as he raised his bat. Ianto readied himself. He remembered what the blow felt like... Tosh did not. He would put himself between them... tell her to run..._

_"You see," the cannibal leader began, his expression and eyes lustful as he crept closer to Tosh. "Meat has to be tenderized." Ianto got ready to move as the tip of the bat glided along Tosh's breast bone. //No,// Ianto pleaded silently. //Not her... me... she's more valuable... I am nothing... take me...//_

_Almost as if hearing the thought Evan turned to him. Ianto felt almost nothing as the tip of the bat caressed his jawline. It was time to die... time to help Tosh. He felt an almost pure pleasure in that single moment as he smiled at the monster... as he could never do with the monster in his childhood and thrust his head forward..._

 

Ianto woke suddenly to the feel of a strong hand gliding down his arm and along his side. Aimless. Attempting comfort. Right away he felt it... Jack... within his mind... all around him... protecting... 

"You awake, Yan?" Gently whispered words.

With an uncomfortable grunt, Ianto turned over and found himself face to face with Jack. Calm. Concerned. Curious. "I'm all right."

Jack responded with a grin. His fingers brushed wisps of hair from Ianto's forehead. "Hungry?"

On cue Ianto's stomach rolled and announced its presence. "Yes." He sat up then froze. There should be pain. He shouldn't be able to move, to feel no more than a twinge or two.

"Careful, Yan." Jack sat up with him, an arm around Ianto's shoulders to pull him close. "It's going to take a few days for the mind to catch up with the body."

"It wasn't like this the last time." The words left him before he realized he was speaking them. The last time... he faced Jack, suddenly a little afraid. "What did you do to me?"

Ianto hissed as shock, not his own but another's, stung through his system. Jack began to withdraw his contact but on instinct Ianto grabbed onto the other man's arm to stop him because his inner self warned him that if he lost contact now all that had been worked for would be changed and lost. "Yan--"

"Just tell me, Jack. I had a dream... when Lisa attacked me. I couldn't feel my body. Maybe my neck was broken... I don't know. But you were there." His eyes met Jack's. "I could feel your lips then you were... everywhere." He looked away, self-conscious. "You were inside me. When I opened my eyes, you were holding me." A few tears managed to find escape down his cheeks. "Then Lisa screamed and I didn't think of it again."

"I couldn't leave you there." Jack's words were neither defense nor explanation, simply a statement of fact.

Ianto shrugged. "Then when those beasts... I was dead. I could see you with me, kissing me. I could hear you." He studied his hands where they held Jack back from leaving. "I saw things... you were somewhere else... in a space ship I think... not here. You were terrified... happy... content... resigned... in love..." Ianto didn't know if he was saying too much, if Jack even believed him. "I was ready to go, Jack. I was tired... tired of feeling... everything. But you didn't let me go... you couldn't."

"No... gods no... I couldn't." Jack was wrapped around him again, holding him tight, loosening only when Ianto grunted in physical discomfort. "Sorry... I'm so sorry..."

Ianto was confused as deep regret settled into him. Did Jack regret what he did... that he saved him? "I was content to die."

Jack embrace tightened again. "No." The sound of tears flowed in his voice. "No." 

Ianto found himself rocked, back and forth... held and rocked. It was, at first, jarring then comforting as Ianto let himself flow with the motion, as the action seem to sooth the raw anguish broadcasting from Jack. After a time the rocking slowed then stopped. Jack's lips were on his hair, his cheek, his lips--

Kiss. Just a kiss. Full of need and passion. Wet and invasive as Jack's tongue claimed him. Ianto didn't resist... couldn't. Slowly Jack pulled back, his eyes were reddened... stark. Ianto felt a fear touch him from the man who held him, sensed Jack believed he was losing something... had lost it before...

"I'm here," he said quietly, hoping to comfort. "I'm here."

Short laughter escaped Jack. His fingers shook as he touched Ianto's face... hair... chest... He had wanted to beg the young man not to leave him; was going to beg him to understand what was happening between them. But at Ianto's words he paused to meet green-hazel eyes, slightly dulled with sleep and discomfort. "I won't be born for another three thousand years," he threw out in long delayed answer to Ianto's request as he resolved to tell the rest of it. "I traveled with the Doctor and... died... then came back. I don't know how or why but the Doctor and Rose were gone..."

"Rose?" Ianto frowned as if searching his memory. "Rose Tyler? And the Doctor..." The corners of his mouth lifted. "You were one of his companions?"

"Yeah." Jack continued to caress, relieved Ianto hadn't freaked out... so far. "His companion." More than a companion to the Time Lord and, on occasion, to Rose.

"Rose isn't dead."

"What?" The statement took a moment to hit him. He had seen her name... Jackie's name... on the list. Dead. He studied Ianto, too shocked to say more than, "What?"

"She fell through the Rift," Ianto said softly. "The Doctor... he was upset... more than upset... I think he hates Torchwood now, not that we gave him any cause to feel otherwise. But someone who was watching him heard him say that she wasn't dead. Said she was in the parallel universe with her mother... and a family, her father..."

_Her father died when she was six months old._ Jack looked away, overcome. He had grieved for her, grieved for the pain he sensed the Doctor was feeling. Canary Wharf had done that then... reawakened the bond between them... vaguely... faintly... but there. "Thank you."

Ianto seemed uncertain then nodded. "I didn't know you knew them."

Jack smiled as he forced back his tears. His hands continued to touch the warm flesh of the man he wanted as a lover... as more than a lover. "The great, all-knowing Ianto Jones didn't know that?"

The young man's eyes gained a glint, a spark that Jack was afraid he wouldn't see again. "I have been rather... distracted... of late." His own hand reached up to brush over Jack's face. "That hand. Is it his?"

"Yes." No lying. If Ianto asked, Jack would answer. "I'm waiting for him... I don't know if he knows--"

"He seemed to be a caring man. I don't think he would have left you if he knew." Ianto slowly blinked at him. "So you're from the future... you can't die... and you're stuck here?"

Uncertain joy filtered through Jack as he heard the casual, almost amused acceptance that laced through the young man's words. Owen was right... this man was not James. "Gods, Yan... gods..." He kissed him, falling just short of passion though he wanted nothing better than to take the young man now... completely. But he knew better. There were so many other issues with Ianto that had nothing to do with aliens or immortals; all very human issues that would need to be dealt with. "What I am," he began, hearing his own voice shake as he gave the final answer. "What I am... I can share... with some. That's what healed you." 

A frown creased Ianto's beautiful brow. Jack felt the young man's heart beat faster. "So I'm... like you?"

Jack studied him quickly. It wasn't fear he sensed, nor any other negative emotion. Simply anticipatory. Waiting. "Not that I know of, Yan," he answered quietly, somewhat assured when he thought he sensed a vague disappointment. "Did you want to be? Because I can assure you it's not at all as advertised."

Ianto's face turned a light shade of red as his eyes averted. "It would be exactly as advertised... if I were with you."

The declaration urged him onward. "I've done something," Jack said quickly, needing to confess his last sin, sensing all would be well but still wary. It could all go so wrong... if Ianto knew. "What I've done... what I've shared with you." He caught Ianto's chin and forced the younger man to look at him. "Do you feel me?"

Ianto frowned at him. Jack sensed a reaching out, instinctive rather than voluntary. "Yes... you're inside me... how..." His eyes widened. "What did you do?"

The question was asked with some caution but no fear. Jack sighed. "We're bound, Yan. The energy I shared with you... the energy you have within you... got together." He shook his head. "I don't have better words, Yan. But it can't be stopped... I can't separate us."

"But I'm not immortal."

"No," Jack told him quietly, still sensing Ianto's processing but still no sense of what he'd felt from James a century ago. "You'll grow old, Yan. Grow old and die." He brushed wisps of hair from the young man's forehead. "And you're... we're not going to be able to be apart from each other, not for long periods."

Ianto considered, his own hands slid over Jack's hips restlessly. "So when I die... then you'll die?"

Jack blinked moisture from his eyes as he shook his head. "No. I wish it were that simple... but no."

Utter relief flooded from Ianto as long breath escaped the Welshman. "Why are you afraid? Were you worried about this?"

Jack stared at him in disbelief. _How the hell--_ "Yeah," he answered as his mind processed the questions. "I had this happen once before and... you understand, don't you?"

"I think so." Ianto laid his hands on Jack's hips, moved them in random but comforting motions over Jack's boxers. "I've been able to feel you since that night with Lisa... you kissed me... saved me." He cocked his head. "You thought I would reject you?"

Jack shrugged. "It's happened before. He didn't want this but I couldn't stop it and he... died."

"Did you do this to him on purpose?" Ianto inquired with a steady tone.

"No!" Jack covered Ianto's hands with his. "No! I didn't even understand what was happening then. This time... I knew but I couldn't let you die, Yan! I couldn't deal with your pain!"

Ianto nodded. "So you love me but feel guilty that we can't be apart from each other?"

Jack opened his mouth, ready to respond, then closed it. Listen to him, he advised himself. _He's not rejecting you... he understands and he's not freaking out._

"You're speechless." Ianto's lips quirked into a smile. Gentle amusement wafted through Jack. "I love you too, Jack Harkness. And if this... thing... won't kill you when I must die then I'm content with it."

Acceptance. Pure. Complete. "There's something more, Yan." Jack fingers grazed over Ianto's cheek, a more intimate touch as he let his desires filter to his friend... his would-be lover. "This bond thing... it's more than just being together, Yan. Can you feel it?"

Sexuality. Attraction. Deep desire and need. Almost as Jack expected and feared, Ianto stiffened and his eyes wavered from Jack's. "I- Jack--"

"Shhh." Jack broadcasted calm to his companion. "I know you had... Lisa. I know I've teased you and you've teased back, here and there. But... what we share. I'm not going to force you, Ianto. But you might feel like you have to do something... you might feel desires that aren't normal for you." He caressed Ianto, encouraged when the young man didn't try to move away from him though his eyes remained averted. "I won't force you to do more than you want."

Ianto sighed. Jack was surprised to sense a budding desire meeting his own. _He wants this?_ Then he sensed fear... self-loathing. "I want... I just never have... even with Lisa it wasn't... what she wanted." _I'll disappoint you... make you impatient..._

"Oh gods... Yan..." Jack leaned over to kiss him on the forehead, letting a little of his weight settle on the man beneath him. That was the issue here, wasn't it? Something from the ex-Time Agent's own past... a part of his training and more a part of his experiences. Ianto was an empath. Intimacy was always a challenge for them. But an empath with a history of abuse... Jack studied the wonder under him. _How had you survived without shutting down?_ "Yan."

"I don't think I can be what you want."

Jack snorted. He gently but firmly forced Ianto's head around again so their eyes met. _Such defeat,_ he assessed in the depths of Ianto's soul. "You are everything I want, Ianto Jones," he declared as he broadcasted the truth of his words. "We're going to go as slow as you want. I'll show you what you want to know... whatever you feel." He smiled. "It's not about me, Ianto... your pleasure is mine."

An endearing blush flowed over Ianto's face and neck. "I didn't want to disappoint you... but I want... to be with you, Jack. I just don't know..."

"Told you," Jack said, his kiss landing on Ianto's mouth, lingering into something more than reassurance and simple contact. It was going to be all right he knew. Of his own free will, Ianto was his. They had time... all the time Ianto's own lifetime would afford them. "I have lots of things to teach you."

Ianto swallowed hard. Some small fear remained but anticipation was a more dominant, encouraged Jack to lean forward again, to capture Ianto's lips in a more aggressive kiss.

Ianto groaned, returning the pressure. Hands moved from Jack's hips to the small of his back to bring Jack closer. In answer Jack let his weight press more closely so their hips meet then drew a deep breath as his own hardness met Ianto's arousal through the thin material of their boxers.

"That's it, Yan," Jack encouraged as he slowly began to rub against Ianto. No slow seduction. No skin to skin. He would do nothing to jar this opportunity. "Oh yeah, Yan... let it happen..." 

Ianto gasped, his body jerked against Jack's. Sexual need blended between them. Oh...

Jack smiled as he arched so their mutual arousals had full contact then rollled his hips against Ianto's in a pattern he knew would bring them both to climax quickly. He didn't want his lover to think this time... only feel. _Join with me, Yan. Be with me... Be with me, Yan... Feel me... Let me feel you..._

Ianto cried out. His eyes closed as his body jerked to match Jack's rhythm. _Good... Feels good.... Need you... Jack... Need you..._

_You have me._ Jack kissed him. His own inner energy reached out to Ianto, filtered between them. Not as intense as a healing... just lingering as if approving of what was happening... _Never like this with James,_ he realized. _But so close to... the Doctor..._

"Jack!" Ianto's body froze, stiffened. Waves of release flowed over Jack as he also found his own completion, as they both fell from the heights, safe in each other's arms...

 

@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

The smell of food brought Ianto up from dreamless sleep. Blinking he sat up; part of him warned of pain at the sudden movement; part of him wondered why the pain never came. In fact he felt more rested, more alive than he had since before a time he could clearly recall. Perhaps before Torchwood One... before Lisa...

"Yan! Breakfast!" Jack's voice boomed smoothly from another area of his flat. "Tosh won't let me eat until you come out. So get your ass in here!"

With the deep, clear voice came a gentle presence that touched then withdrew. Jack. Ianto smiled as his own stomach growled. He was hungry. He threw back the blankets covering him and his smile became a sly grin. He was naked.

Just the way I like you, Yan

Ianto startled at the highly amused mind-voice, at the brief explosion of words and emotion that caressed then drew back again. Connected. They were-

"Okay?" Jack was suddenly at his bedroom door. His eyes wandered without restraint over Ianto's body but his eyes held a concern. "I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to scare you. I just couldn't keep it back." His hands were braced in the doorway as he continued to watch. "It won't be like that all the time... at least I don't think so."

"You don't know?" Ianto regarded him then tried to broadcast his own emotions. Curiosity. Amusement. Even-

Jack straightened quickly, his eyes darkened with interest. "Hmmm... and with no training. That's scary." He took a step towards Ianto with intent then seemed to catch himself and shook his head. Waves of disappointment concealed in a promise breezed through Ianto. "Tosh is here," he said reasonably then grinned. "But keep that up and I might let her watch."

"I'm not going to bloody watch anything before you two have had something to eat!"

Tosh's voice startled both of them. Jack laughed as Ianto instinctively started to cover himself as the mood broke and he realized that they really weren't alone. "I put some denim shorts I found and an undershirt in the bathroom." He stepped into Ianto's personal space and engulfed the younger man's head in his hands then kissed him soundly. “She's safe, Yan. Okay?"

Ianto agreed but still felt more exposed than he was comfortable with. Jack ruffled his hair. "Go get dressed. Mom's getting pissed." He kissed Ianto's forehead then turned and left, his body and hips moving in a way Ianto was sure was meant to enticing. And it was, very enticing.

Breakfast was quiet and pleasant. Tosh gave Ianto a long hug then playfully hit him on the shoulder, telling him he was suppose to follow her when she escaped. Ianto pulled her into his arms as a few tears made their way down her cheeks, as her concern for him and her lingering fears flowed out of her. There was a connection between them, he knew. He always seemed to know where she was and her general mood. But as he hugged her again it was all more intense. Warily he looked over her shoulder and saw Jack's eyes on them. The older man gave him a reassuring grin even as his blue eyes drew over them both in speculation. Ianto wanted to shake his head, to deny the possibility but under Jack's gaze he could not.

But he wasn't ready. Tosh didn't even know and if she did-- Ianto pulled back from Tosh who seemed to push back at the same time. He smiled at her and wiped a stray tear from her face. "Thank you," he said. "It was a wonderful breakfast."

Tosh returned his grin. "I'm so glad you're all right." Her eyes moved from Ianto to Jack. "I'm so glad you're together."

Jack came closer and repeated Ianto's gesture on Tosh's face though there was no tear to be wiped away. "I'm glad you're here," he told her. "I'll come to the HUB in a little while. Ianto and I have some things to do."

Tosh looked from one man to the other, her cheeks coloring a little. "Of course." She slowly pulled away as if resisting the movement. "I should go in before Gwen-" She shifted uncomfortably as she glanced at Ianto. "I've locked the archives. Even Owen can't get in."

Irritation and some small fear crept over Ianto. "What did she do?" Gwen was a good woman with a good heart. But she had a habit of being overly curious and not always careful.

"Nothing." Tosh patted his arm reassuringly. "She found those Corbin balls. The ones that make that noise Myfanwy hates so much?"

"Oh shit." Now Jack was openly concerned. "Okay. First and last time they were used it took a week to get her calmed down enough for her not to want to tear us apart."

"I got them from her before she could activate them," Tosh told him calmly. "Then I took the keys from your drawer, not the common keys but the ones you have to completely lock down the entire archive." She reached under her shirt and pulled out a set of small silver discs that hung from a leather cord around her neck. "I dared Owen to take them from me."

A warm smile graced Ianto's lips. Jack's head fell back and real laughter escaped him. Then he calmed as studied her closely. "How did you know about them? I showed you the regular keys but how did you know about these and what they could do?" he asked suddenly as if the thought just came to him.

Tosh smiled at him. "Because I stay late too sometimes, when it's very quiet, and only the two of you are talking." She leaned up and kissed him on the cheek, then Ianto. "See you later." She tucked the discs back into her shirt, gathered her purse and keys then left.

Jack had an amused expression on his face as he cocked his head. "Always the quiet ones." He turned. Ianto immediately felt the change in mood, a change in Jack's posture. Sexual attraction. Need. Want. Ianto swallowed as his own body answered with arousal. Last night had been odd but pleasurable, his first with a man... if their brief encounter could have been counted that way. But that was a waking dream borne of exhaustion. It was full day now and--

Jack cupped Ianto's face in his larger hands. "I want to dance," he whispered as a gentle kiss brushed the Welshman's lips. Ianto's hand was taken and held up as Jack's other hand slid seductively around Ianto's waist to draw the younger man close. "Dance with me, Yan." Jack's blue eyes pleaded as they met Ianto's. "Please dance with me."

There were no thoughts of resistance as Jack's body began to sway against him. Smooth, slow moves seduced but Ianto sensed a holding back. Jack's expression, his careful contact asked permission, made promises. As Ianto relaxed, as he silently gave consent strains of music ghosted through his mind. Horns and woodwind instruments of different kinds blended softly in a tune Ianto vaguely remembered, when he was a child, when his grandmother still lived and would talk about... "Glen Miller."

Jack's body tensed, his movement paused. Penetrating eyes locked onto Ianto's, forcing a brief, deeper connection. Then Ianto's immortal lover graced him with a gentle lifting of his lips. The dance began again but more slowly, more intimate. The music, which had faltered began to meld between them.

"Moonlight Serenade," Jack whispered softly as he lowered his head, his cheek against Ianto's. "Been a long time since I felt like remembering that." Sadness then hope wafted between them. "Dance with me, Yan. Just... dance... please..."

Ianto sighed and closed his eyes as he surrendered himself to his lover, to that radiant golden light that glowed between them.


End file.
